The Truth About Detox Diets

Detox diet?  Liver Cleanse?  (This missive speaks only about an already healthy liver, not to diagnosed liver disease)  As always my articles speak to what I will do with myself and is not medical advice.  Speak to your own health care practitioner for that shit.

No randomized controlled trials have been conducted to assess the effectiveness of commercial detox diets in humans. This is an area that deserves attention so that consumers can be informed of the potential benefits and risks of detox programs.


The liver is the body’s detoxifier.  It does this on its own.  There is no need to spend a shit ton of money on supplements, cleanses, drink nothing but celery juice, or ACV for 1, 2, 3, or 15 days to “cleanse” your liver.

But does it help?  Sure, but the best thing you can do for your liver is to feed your body whole plant foods.  If you have a healthy liver it will detoxify almost anything thrown at it.  But if you eat a crap diet and drink alcohol you can damage your liver and no amount of grape juice you drink will fix that, if you keep on going back to the way you ate before.

Some symptoms of liver issues are: itching, yellow or jaundiced skin, swelling, gallstones, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea.  If you are concerned get some lab work and move on from there.  If your liver is in trouble you will not be able to just master clean your way through it and you can eat enough asparagus to run your family out of the house every time you pee, but nothing is going to change until you change, permanently.

Taking supplements designed to flush toxins out of the liver?  No.  But Milk Thistle?  The observed IC50 values are unlikely to be achieved in humans supplemented with orally administered milk thistle extracts due to the poor bioavailability of flavonolignans documented with most commercially available formulations. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0009279717300832

What about a liver cleansing diet?  Sure.  What are the best liver cleansing foods?

Garlic, citrus, cruciferous vegetables, turmeric, walnuts, beets, carrots, green tea, apples, and avocados.  Sound familiar? Do you guess whole plant foods?  Yup…wash your veggies to get the fly over pesticides off.  And just pretend the guy who touched your food last just picked his nose.

What about enemas for liver cleansing?  Shut the front door.  Taking a fat shit is liver cleansing. Hosing water and any other substances up your ass is going to take out the good shit (for lack of no better word) with the bad.  Your gut is one of the most important “organs” in your body.  Feed it what it wants and it will be happy.

How to Keep Your Liver Happy

Eat whole plant foods. Avoid high calorie-meals, saturated fat, refined carbohydrates (such as white bread, white rice and regular pasta) and sugars. Eat fiber, from fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grain breads, rice and legumes.

Eat good fats like monounsaturated and polyunsaturated like nuts, seeds, and avocados.

Drink water.  Don’t drown yourself in the shit, but drink to thrist.  I drink three 12 oz classes of water daily, then drink to thirst.  I get pleanty of water already for whole plant foods.

Exercise regularly.  Do the 90 minutes walking or 40 minutes of more intense exercise daily.

Avoid toxins.  We are surrounded by them.  If you can smell chemicals they are fucking with you.  If you touch chemicals use protection like you are back a university.  Don’t smoke, duh.

Don’t drink alcohol. Hahahahahahahahehehehehehehehahahahehaheheheahsheha.  But really calm it the fuck down already.

Don’t use drugs.  …………..  too often.

Make sure your tattoo fucker is using clean needles…and no reusing ink the s/he dipped a dirty needle in, you cheeky tattoo monkey.  Same with piercings except the ink of course.  I used to have 12.  Which is funny, because I don’t look like I used to… anything.

Don’t share razors, tooth brushes(am I really saying this), nail clippers with people that you don’t want to spend eternity with.

Cover you dong.  Or make him cover his.  Even if they don’t have hepatitis, love bumps are unsightly.

Get tested.

Limit over the counter medication.  Nearly everything passes through your liver or kidneys.

There is no juice cleanse/detox.  There is drinking juice.  I love it.

There is no celery cleanse/detox.  There is drinking celery juice or eating celery.  I love it.

There is no fruit cleanse/detox.  There is eating only fruit.  That would be a diet of just fruit.  I love it, but it doesn’t love me.  Malnutrition is a side effect.

There is not cleanse/detox diet.  There is food specific diet.  I love mine, whole plant foods with the occasional beer, wine, bread, and ever so occasional Oreo.

There is a colon cleanse.  Taking a crap.  Don’t shove stuff up your ass unless your doctor tells you too, still ask lots of questions.