Put the beans in a pot and fill with water to about 1” over the beans. Technically you do not need to soak lentils. Stir them up and throw them in the fridge, we’ll visit them again tomorrow.
Is tomorrow here? Cool. Rinse the beans well and drain.
If you didn’t soak your lentils toss them in now.
Rinse out your pot and replace the beans. Fill again with water just over the top of the beans. Slow your roll dude, we want to sneak up on these fuckers so you don’t get burns or mush. Low heat and wait for that simmer.
Don’t add any spice, you can do that later with the dishes that you choose.
Let these simmer covered and check them every 30 minutes for just the right texture. If you’re in the 2 hour mark check and make sure your stove is on.
For pressure cooker, do everything above except when you’re ready to put them back in the pot put them in the pressure cooker instead, cook on high pressure for 20 minutes and let them naturally release. Test them and if they are crunchy add some water and try 5 more minutes and realize that I don’t know every fucking thing, but you’re still here.For crock pot do all the same and cook on high checking at 3 hours, but I like them when they’ve cook for closer to 4 hours.You can store in fridge for 1 week or freeze for a month.